A, B, C – Anxiety Borrows Creativity
Posted by Joanne Hayle
At the end of last week I looked at what I wanted to work on before the end of the month including competitions that close on 30th June and publications that are closing for submissions over the summer.
As I tried to work out how I could achieve my gargantuan tasks confidently and competently my OCD and anxiety voice started to murmur that it all had to be done, every opportunity had to be taken or I just wasn’t trying hard enough.
And the strangest thing happened, although it’s perfectly logical too.
My creativity, inspiration and flow lessened as the business end and my unrealistic expectations of myself, the should do’s and the must do’s, drained the writer me of fluidity and entertaining writing.
I couldn’t find strong ideas and I wondered about the standard of work that I was producing, the twists for the plots lacked something…the sparkle just wasn’t there.
However, I am proud and delighted to say that my creativity came back before Monday dawned – when I took the pressure off myself, realised that I, as my own boss, can pick what I work on rationally not because the calendar says that in X amount of days the month is ending but because the inspiration, the nugget of a plot is there to be nurtured.
Interestingly, I haven’t done one of the pieces of work that I had deemed essential last week.
I’ve been working on something strong, non fiction, that a week ago hadn’t even been a whisper in my mind and it’s going well, thankfully.
I am sure that if I want to enter any competitions in the coming months then the work will be completed and of a better standard than if I tried rushing something through for June.
The world isn’t going to end whatever I submit to wherever, whenever!
Anxiety up = frustration until I remember that I enjoy and love writing for writing’s sake. Yes, whilst I need to make a living that should not at my wellbeing’s or my writing’s expense.
I’ve been taking care of my Mum this week too as she’s been ill so in a “God works in mysterious ways” manner events refocused my priorities and perspective as soon as she needed me to help out.
Competitions and deadlines come and go, but helping someone through a tough time and keeping my brain happy and healthy are always going to be more important.
As my therapist reminded me, in January 2014 starting this career still seemed like a far off dream but now I’m living it.
The moment should be savoured. I’m taking time to smell the roses.
I guess the future will turn up when it’s ready.
Have a great day.